Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The power of my boobs compel you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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