"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
