I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
