4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
did you just send me my own nude
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
