Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
