Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm really busy with my period
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