Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Couch. On fire.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
