Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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