i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
