by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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