Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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