god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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