Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
