he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
