My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
