I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
