I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
