Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
