i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
