Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
