and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
