and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
