i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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How external is "for external use only"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.