Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.