Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
