So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When did angry sex become our thing?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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