Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
