i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
