We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
