My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
