Yo dont text me then not text me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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