Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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