Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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