I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
