My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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