Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
