remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
