you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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