you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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