Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
