Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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