Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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