yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
