I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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