Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
