dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
