he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
