I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
