Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
