Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
