The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am naked and annoyed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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