also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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