What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
