Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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