No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
