3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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