You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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