Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
