So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
