Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
