Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
