please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
