I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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