did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How does one acquire holy water?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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