Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
