u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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