I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
