Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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