nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
