I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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