I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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