my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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