Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
