It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
