38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
