just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
