Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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