sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
