at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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