On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize