My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
