no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish you could order shots online.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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