when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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