I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
