i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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