So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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