I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
