My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She announced her abortion via fbk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am one with the molecules
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
