Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
