I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
