just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
